Submission Guidelines for Publishing in 2012

Here are some submission guidelines, straight from the Writer’s Market 2012. I only wish I was making these up!

Don’t do what we do, do what we say.

“We are being inundated with queries and submissions that are wrongfully being submitted to us, which only results in more frustrated for the writers.” (That’s not the only thing frustrating the writers!)

We publish two types of material: 1) romance novels and short stories and 2) romantic stories involving spanking between consenting adults. We look for well-crafted stories with a high degree of emotional impact. (And physical impact, from spanking, apparently)

“We are no longer responding to your unsolicited submissions unless we are interested in publishing it.” (Huh?)

It must be/feel believable. That’s what the readers like. (So no fairy tales?)

Tell us why your book is different, not like other books. Give us a realistic idea of what you will do to market your book—that you will actually do. (And repeat)

Publishes book Time between acceptance of ms and publication is 6 months. after acceptance of ms. (Don’t expect any proof-reading, though.)

Accepts any fiction category as long as it is Kwell-written, original full length novel. (So that’s what I’ve been doing wrong all these years . . . I’ve been writing well, not Kwell!)