You know, it’s strange, because getting these is a lot like a roller coaster, in a bad way, because I am not too fond of sudden ups and downs. It’s remarkable to think with how little ceremony it sits there, with all the other garbage from your mailbox, a plain white envelope on the kitchen counter in a pile of bills and coupons and advertisements for Chinese buffet. The sudden feeling of hope rises in your throat, despite your better judgment, despite knowing it’s better to “never get your hopes up,” and then, just as suddenly, there is a dull throb in your heart as you open it and realize it’s just another rejection. You can just feel the hope drop out of you. Just like a roller-coaster ride.
But these agents have this rejection letter writing business down to a science—it’s like they really know what it feels like to be me (maybe they were writers once). Honestly, if they ever need to find work, I think they could get into the business of helping people break up with their girlfriends/boyfriends/wives/husbands. Think of it:
“Thank you very much for considering a continued relationship with me. Unfortunately, you’re not meeting with my current needs, so with regret I must pass on the chance to marry/settle down/keep dating/etc.”
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